Goblins

Goblin

Sneaky, stabby, and proud of it

Founding FoundedBeen sneakin’ around since Gork and Mork had their first scrap FounderProbably some runt that hid instead of fightin’ Current LeaderWhoever’s got the biggest stick and the meanest wolf right now (Skarsnik claims the title, everyone else argues) Geography CapitalWherever the biggest tribe is squattin’ this week Major CitiesKarak Eight Peaks (lower levels), Red Eye Mountain, Black Crag cellars, every cave nobody else wants RegionsBadlands, deep forests, under yer bed Biology Lifespan15-25 years if a bigger git doesn’t sit on them first Height90-130 cm (3′0″ - 4′3″); perfect height for stabbin’ knees Culture LanguageGoblin-speak (high-pitched, whiny, full of threats they’ll never keep) ReligionGork an’ Mork (from a safe distance), plus the big moon that sometimes eats goblins Government GovernmentWhoever’s biggest today (changes tomorrow) Relations AlliesNobody. Allies are just future back-stab victims. EnemiesEveryone bigger (so, everyone)

Goblins are the runts of the Greenskin family: small, sneaky, cowardly, and ten times meaner than anything their size has a right to be. Where Orcs charge in roaring, Goblins creep in giggling, stab you in the ankle, nick your purse, set your trousers on fire, and run away cackling. They breed like rats, hide like cockroaches, and when there’s enough of them they roll over the world in a wave of poison mushrooms, squig-powered catapults, and pure spite.

Overview

If you want to play a snivelling, scheming, backstabbing little git who wins by cheating, running away, and coming back with fifty mates when the enemy’s asleep, congratulations: you’re a proper goblin.

Appearance

Scrawny, knobbly, big ears that twitch at every sound. Skin bright toxic green or mouldy dark green (Night Goblins). Eyes like dirty coins, teeth like broken knives, grin like a shark that learned sarcasm. Rags, hoods, rusty knives in every pocket, and a sack for loot that’s always bigger than it should be.

Culture & Society

• Regions: Caves, ruins, sewers, anywhere dark and damp.
• Culture: Stab it, steal it, blame someone else.
• Names: Skarsnik, Snagga, Gitilla, Zoggit, Wuzzbag, Grabnatz.
• Religion: Gork an’ Mork get a quick prayer when things look bad; the rest of the time it’s “please don’t let the big uns notice me”.

Relations with Other Races

Category	Faction	Relation
Humans	Empire	Hostile
	Bretonnia	Neutral
	Kislev	Neutral
	Sartosa	Neutral
	Araby	Neutral
	Cathay	Neutral
	Norsca	Hostile
Elves	Asur (High Elves)	Hostile
	Asrai (Wood Elves)	Friendly
	Druchii (Dark Elves)	Hostile
Dwarfs	Dwarfs	Hostile
	Chaos Dwarfs	Neutral
Greenskins	Orcs	Friendly
Monstrous	Ogre	Neutral
	Beastmen	Hostile
Affliction	Chaos	Hostile
	Vampire	Hostile

Strengths & Weaknesses

• Strengths: Billions of the little sods, sneaky as hell, invent stuff that shouldn’t work but does (until it explodes).
• Weaknesses: Cowards, weak, fight each other over a bent nail, run away the moment it stops being funny.

Playing a Goblin

Talk fast, whine lots, threaten constantly, and never, ever fight fair. Loyalty is a word for people who haven’t met you yet. A Boss rules by being slightly less dead than the last one. A Shaman eats glowing mushrooms until the magic happens (or until his head explodes, same difference). A wolf rider hits, runs, circles back, and repeats until the enemy gets bored and dies.

Gender Roles & Sexuality

Gender Roles

• Goblin society is essentially all-male, like Orcs. They are small, cunning, and fungoid, reproducing asexually without females.
• Leadership: Status is based on cleverness, stealth, and ability to manipulate others. Larger goblins (e.g., Night Goblins, Forest Goblins) are led by the strongest or most cunning males.
• Commoners: All goblins are expected to fight, steal, raid, or serve more powerful goblins or Orcs. There is no gender-based distinction; all are biologically similar males.

Sexuality

• Sexuality is largely irrelevant due to asexual reproduction. Goblins reproduce magically/biologically without females.
• Any sexual behavior is fan speculation or humorous folklore; canonically, Goblins are focused on survival, trickery, and raiding.
• Goblins’ social interactions revolve around hierarchy, fear, and cunning rather than romance or sexual attraction.

Attitudes toward Other Races (Sexualized)

• Goblins view most other races as prey, enemies, or opportunities for exploitation. Canonically, sexualized behavior toward other races does **not exist**.
• Humans: Seen as food, slaves, or enemies. Sexualized behavior is non-canonical.
• Elves: Respected for danger or magic, feared, occasionally mocked, but not sexualized.
• Dwarfs: Hated or feared; sexualization does not exist.
• Orcs: Goblins serve or interact with Orcs in hierarchical or tactical ways, not sexually.
• Any sexualized depictions in stories are fan-made, humorous, or exaggerated, not official lore.

Notable Cultural Nuances

• Goblins are anarchic, cunning, and survival-focused.
• Reproduction is asexual; no females exist in society, warbands, or leadership.
• Social organization is based on fear, cunning, and hierarchy rather than gender or sexuality.
• Goblins are more cowardly and opportunistic than Orcs, but their biological and social structure mirrors Orcs in being all-male and fungoid.

Physical Appearance

Imagine a malicious garden gnome crossed with a feral cat, painted green, and given a permanent sugar rush. That’s the tall one.