Goblins
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| Goblin | |
|---|---|
| File:Goblinsart.jpg Sneaky, stabby, and proud of it |
|
| Founding | |
| Founded | Been sneakin’ around since Gork and Mork had their first scrap |
| Founder | Probably some runt that hid instead of fightin’ |
| Current Leader | Whoever’s got the biggest stick and the meanest wolf right now (Skarsnik claims the title, everyone else argues) |
| Geography | |
| Capital | Wherever the biggest tribe is squattin’ this week |
| Major Cities | Karak Eight Peaks (lower levels), Red Eye Mountain, Black Crag cellars, every cave nobody else wants |
| Regions | Badlands, deep forests, under yer bed |
| Biology | |
| Lifespan | 15-25 years if a bigger git doesn’t sit on them first |
| Height | 90-130 cm (3′0″ - 4′3″); perfect height for stabbin’ knees |
| Culture | |
| Language | Goblin-speak (high-pitched, whiny, full of threats they’ll never keep) |
| Religion | Gork an’ Mork (from a safe distance), plus the big moon that sometimes eats goblins |
| Government | |
| Government | Whoever’s biggest today (changes tomorrow) |
| Relations | |
| Allies | Nobody. Allies are just future back-stab victims. |
| Enemies | Everyone bigger (so, everyone) |
Goblins are the runts of the Greenskin family: small, sneaky, cowardly, and ten times meaner than anything their size has a right to be. Where Orcs charge in roaring, Goblins creep in giggling, stab you in the ankle, nick your purse, set your trousers on fire, and run away cackling. They breed like rats, hide like cockroaches, and when there’s enough of them they roll over the world in a wave of poison mushrooms, squig-powered catapults, and pure spite.
Overview
If you want to play a snivelling, scheming, backstabbing little git who wins by cheating, running away, and coming back with fifty mates when the enemy’s asleep, congratulations: you’re a proper goblin.
Appearance
Scrawny, knobbly, big ears that twitch at every sound. Skin bright toxic green or mouldy dark green (Night Goblins). Eyes like dirty coins, teeth like broken knives, grin like a shark that learned sarcasm. Rags, hoods, rusty knives in every pocket, and a sack for loot that’s always bigger than it should be.
Culture & Society
- Regions: Caves, ruins, sewers, anywhere dark and damp.
- Culture: Stab it, steal it, blame someone else.
- Names: Skarsnik, Snagga, Gitilla, Zoggit, Wuzzbag, Grabnatz.
- Religion: Gork an’ Mork get a quick prayer when things look bad; the rest of the time it’s “please don’t let the big uns notice me”.
Relations with Other Races
- Orcs - Neutral/Hostile (big bullies, good for hidin’ behind)
- Snotlings - Friendly (even smaller, perfect for kickin’)
- Everyone else - Hostile (they’ve got stuff worth nickin’)
- Chaos Corruption - Vulnerable (shiny mutations are free loot, right?)
- Slavery - Allowed (they do it to each other all the time)
Strengths & Weaknesses
- Strengths: Billions of the little sods, sneaky as hell, invent stuff that shouldn’t work but does (until it explodes).
- Weaknesses: Cowards, weak, fight each other over a bent nail, run away the moment it stops being funny.
Playing a Goblin
Talk fast, whine lots, threaten constantly, and never, ever fight fair. Loyalty is a word for people who haven’t met you yet. A Boss rules by being slightly less dead than the last one. A Shaman eats glowing mushrooms until the magic happens (or until his head explodes, same difference). A wolf rider hits, runs, circles back, and repeats until the enemy gets bored and dies.
Physical Appearance
Imagine a malicious garden gnome crossed with a feral cat, painted green, and given a permanent sugar rush. That’s the tall one.